The Legend of Zelda: The lies of the Internet

I'm too lazy to write my own review so this is a kind of meta-review of other peoples. The other people are:
IGN
1UP
Gamespot
Edge
Eurogamer


Lie One: It's a long game.
Long they all say. Epic, even. Now while it's true that I'm 60 hours in and still not done, how ever far I have to go I think it's going to be disappointingly short of forever.

There are different standards for 'epic' these days - Oblivion, WoW - giant living worlds, Hyrule looks very provincial by comparison. And this Hyrule looks even smaller than those that have gone before... maybe my expectations have grown, cleverer people than me have declared it the biggest Zelda ever. Maybe longer - but thinner somehow. Lacking that whiff of freedom that came in Ocarina and wind waker. The sidequests seem shorter, simpler.

This isn't a bad thing - it's a perfect size for what it is, A triumph of simplicity - bravely declaring that linearity isn't a dirty word - this is all good, but epic it ain't.

Lie Two: This is a 'best of' compilation of previous zelda games
Not for me. I actually liked Tingle.

Most reviews seem to mention this, as if it's evidence of Nintendo playing it safe, as if all zelda games since Ocarina haven't in some way plundered the history of the series. They then go on to proclaim the innovations of this installment, the wolf, the horse combat, the wii controller. So guys let me get this straight -it's a bit like previous Zelda's only with some changes? So it's a Zelda game then? While it's true the changes this time around aren't as startling, it's far from a rehash.

It just delivers what you want - more of the same but different. Pandering to fans! they say, Listening to criticism of the last one! Oh no! You mean it was designed for fans, not reviewers? The horror!

Lie Three: Oh yeah and the characters are quite good too.
No they aren't. They're amazing. It's annoying that one of the game's major strengths is often relegated to an 'and finally' section. Apart from IGN - who say the characters are rubbish. Do you ever feel alone IGN?

The characterisation is really, really good, the fact it's overlooked shows how effortless they made it look. Compare it to Gears of War. Compare it to Oblivion. Compare it to previous Zeldas - It features some of the most endearing, complex and real characters I've seen since Beyond Good and Evil. It's a pleasure to find insects for them.

Game characters are hard. It's not like Torchwood. You can't give them reams of dialogue to explain who they are, what they're thinking, what they had for breakfast. It all has to come from how they look, the way they move and what they say with the few lines they're allowed; and to convey anything more subtle than Good Guy, Bad Guy is an achievement. To get you to actually care about them is extraordinary, and should be celebrated.

Most reviews mention Midna, who is a most charming nagbot, but they forget Telma and Shad and Mr Yeti's wife ( I forget her name, but her jumper will remain with me) and the shaman and the mercenary baby. All of whom almost make up for the absence of Tingle. Almost.

Some bits of reviews I liked:

"Twilight Princess is something you rarely see: a 60-hour adventure in which every moment is memorable." 1UP

"Familiarity breeds not contempt but a sense of history and ritual most games would kill to possess" Edge

"But secretly we hope that Wind Waker's unique, impressionistic style isn't lost forever and that one day we might see it used again, perhaps via the safety of a spin-off." IGN
Oh IGN. They did. It's called the Phantom Hourglass. You previewed it in August. Ooopsy.

I don't really have an end for this post. It's a great game. I'm so happy it's not over. Maybe one reason for putting myself thru this week is that I'm secretly putting off the end.

a long week ahead...

I've decided to give up gaming for a week. Why? Well -maybe it's just to see if I can. Maybe after a bloated christmas spent on Gears of War and Zelda I feel the need to de-tox. Or maybe I felt there was a bit too much truth in this.

It's time to get in touch with the real me! To discover my potential when I'm not shackled to a quest to save the world or match blocks into patterns. To find out Who I Am.

This is going to go horribly wrong isn't it?

Todays Symptoms
Nothing too serious yet. I'm eating more, and drinking tea.
I also have a vague nagging feeling at the back of my mind, as if someone started telling a joke but then the conversation drifted away and now I can't even remember the start of the joke, there's just a lingering feeling that something's missing.