Somwhere back in the mists of my childhood there was a book, i don't remember the details but it involved the concept of 'Nopey-No-Nos', as in 'No little jimmy you can't use the drill to clean your sister's ears, that's a Nopey-No-No '
Every fan has a list like this. It's a list of things Nintendo would have to do to get me to not buy their next console. I made the list sometime ago, but i feel it's time to remind myself of it.
It's a very short list.
I, Judy, wil not buy a Nintendo console if
It is more expensive than a sony and a microsoft one put together.
They release any game with the word 'Street' in the title (unless it is referring to an actual road or avenue)
It's made of cheese.
That's it. Three things, (well two realistically, I can't see Da legend of Z: ~Hyrule street gangsta any time soon. Featuring Master S-Word. And E-Pone. And Chain (more bling than Link - geddit?? ....stopping now.)
Nowhere on that list does it say 'Features a controller that you can't use for more than a few minutes or your hand falls off.' That's fine. It'll work, it won't need constant calibrating, I have faith.
Also you will notice it doesn't say 'Names console after human waste product'. I was going to put that, but the cheese idea seemed more likely.
He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named told me about it, I just assumed he was mispronouncing it, then I read it for myself. My reaction was the same, i'm sure, as most gamers - Are they taking the ...oh shit' And suddenly the enormity of it hits you, an infinite swarm of bad puns, animations, headlines spreading out as fast as light and as wide as the internet, blocking out the sun. One stupid, stupid paragraph.
I was going to blog about dumb adverts - there's a few around at the moment "the whole world has a pulse - now so does a toothbrush", "My wrinkle's are full - and so is my life.". I was going to ponder on what concepts they must've rejected , what kind of freakish, isolated world these people must live in to think that slogans like that could possibly be taken seriously.
But it just doesn't seem funny anymore.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Sunday, April 23, 2006
While my neighbours gently weep...
So many things I was going to write about...
I was going to write about how Toonami changed - but in a bad way.
I was going to write about Xfm's Music Response show and how it's gone from being smoothly presented by a sexy London couple to being barked by a Manc whose eaten all the pies and tries to get his own name on air as much as possible, almost as if he's afraid people will forget who he is. (last night's gem - "if you like them you can download their new single from t' Clinternet" oh yes - that's going to catch on.) Of course we love him really, please don't send the army round...
But I didn't - I've got round to posting finally because of another video game, I'm afraid.
Guitar Hero isn't really like any other game so it's tough to describe - it's basically an air guitar made flesh. It's like your Freq from amplitude stepped out of the screen and handed you an instument. It's nothing whatsoever like playing a guitar.
When I first heard about guitar hero I had a radical life-improving thought - 'what if' I thought 'when it's released I spend all the time I would've spent playing it, learning to play a real guitar?' I could've blogged my progress on REALguitarHero.com, posted mp3s and pictures of my bleeding hands. But I didn't do that - I got the game instead. And now becasue my hands really ARE bleeding and I can't play, i'm writing this post.
While Guitar Hero is nothing like playing a real guitar, i think it probably hurts as much - I've got about 75% of the way through (Symphony of destruction on expert) and i was steadily improving, but it's going to be tough to get any further because by the time the swelling goes down I'll have to go right back to strumming smoke on the water. But I will go back - because it's simply the most addictive game i've played since amplitude Music makes a very pure feedback system - the carrot is order, harmony, the stick is discordant sound or silence, and it's so simple and instant, that the zone beckons...as combos go into physical memory and previously impossible passages become a walk in the park.
I was accused of 'just playing random notes' during a tricky solo - of course i was playing random notes - when the notes come flying you can't think, your best hope is to shut down the brain and hope your fingers figure it out. And when they do it's an exhilarating, euphoric experience.
Hmmm maybe that's enough rest.
I was going to write about how Toonami changed - but in a bad way.
I was going to write about Xfm's Music Response show and how it's gone from being smoothly presented by a sexy London couple to being barked by a Manc whose eaten all the pies and tries to get his own name on air as much as possible, almost as if he's afraid people will forget who he is. (last night's gem - "if you like them you can download their new single from t' Clinternet" oh yes - that's going to catch on.) Of course we love him really, please don't send the army round...
But I didn't - I've got round to posting finally because of another video game, I'm afraid.
Guitar Hero isn't really like any other game so it's tough to describe - it's basically an air guitar made flesh. It's like your Freq from amplitude stepped out of the screen and handed you an instument. It's nothing whatsoever like playing a guitar.
When I first heard about guitar hero I had a radical life-improving thought - 'what if' I thought 'when it's released I spend all the time I would've spent playing it, learning to play a real guitar?' I could've blogged my progress on REALguitarHero.com, posted mp3s and pictures of my bleeding hands. But I didn't do that - I got the game instead. And now becasue my hands really ARE bleeding and I can't play, i'm writing this post.
While Guitar Hero is nothing like playing a real guitar, i think it probably hurts as much - I've got about 75% of the way through (Symphony of destruction on expert) and i was steadily improving, but it's going to be tough to get any further because by the time the swelling goes down I'll have to go right back to strumming smoke on the water. But I will go back - because it's simply the most addictive game i've played since amplitude Music makes a very pure feedback system - the carrot is order, harmony, the stick is discordant sound or silence, and it's so simple and instant, that the zone beckons...as combos go into physical memory and previously impossible passages become a walk in the park.
I was accused of 'just playing random notes' during a tricky solo - of course i was playing random notes - when the notes come flying you can't think, your best hope is to shut down the brain and hope your fingers figure it out. And when they do it's an exhilarating, euphoric experience.
Hmmm maybe that's enough rest.
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