Ninty No-Nos

Somwhere back in the mists of my childhood there was a book, i don't remember the details but it involved the concept of 'Nopey-No-Nos', as in 'No little jimmy you can't use the drill to clean your sister's ears, that's a Nopey-No-No '

Every fan has a list like this. It's a list of things Nintendo would have to do to get me to not buy their next console. I made the list sometime ago, but i feel it's time to remind myself of it.

It's a very short list.

I, Judy, wil not buy a Nintendo console if

It is more expensive than a sony and a microsoft one put together.

They release any game with the word 'Street' in the title (unless it is referring to an actual road or avenue)

It's made of cheese.

That's it. Three things, (well two realistically, I can't see Da legend of Z: ~Hyrule street gangsta any time soon. Featuring Master S-Word. And E-Pone. And Chain (more bling than Link - geddit?? ....stopping now.)

Nowhere on that list does it say 'Features a controller that you can't use for more than a few minutes or your hand falls off.' That's fine. It'll work, it won't need constant calibrating, I have faith.

Also you will notice it doesn't say 'Names console after human waste product'. I was going to put that, but the cheese idea seemed more likely.

He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named told me about it, I just assumed he was mispronouncing it, then I read it for myself. My reaction was the same, i'm sure, as most gamers - Are they taking the ...oh shit' And suddenly the enormity of it hits you, an infinite swarm of bad puns, animations, headlines spreading out as fast as light and as wide as the internet, blocking out the sun. One stupid, stupid paragraph.

I was going to blog about dumb adverts - there's a few around at the moment "the whole world has a pulse - now so does a toothbrush", "My wrinkle's are full - and so is my life.". I was going to ponder on what concepts they must've rejected , what kind of freakish, isolated world these people must live in to think that slogans like that could possibly be taken seriously.

But it just doesn't seem funny anymore.